My Crazy Predictions!

Well, it’s finally back on our doorstep!  Wives and girlfriends all over the world will, once more, begin to find themselves being ignored by their fellas because the footy is back!  Hmmm, that sounds a bit harsh.  I’ll rephrase myself here.  PLENTY of wives and girlfriends will be ignored.  Better?

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My first big prediction of 2017/18 is to keep your eyes peeled on Arsenal fan TV.  Last season, it was comedy gold with Robbie Lyle leading the way as he interviews even more deluded Gooners in the coming months.  As Arsene Wenger lost the plot last season, Arsenal fan TV “pundits” lost their shit like never before!  I kid you not, this shit entertained me for minutes whilst riding trains and buses as the months rolled on.  The highlight was seeing Troopz blow up after the West Brom loss!  21st Century entertainment at its best!  When Arsenal begin to fall apart like clockwork in February, expect the foul language and “Arsene Out” banners to be in full swing.  Oh, Arsenal are no chance of finishing TOP 4 this season either.

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And so we move on…..

The club we all love to hate, Manchester United have, once more spent more money on players than a middle aged fat businessman does on high end escorts and cars to make himself feel young again.  The question is, will United be able to sustain an erection for the entire season without blowing early like they have done in past seasons.  I know, I know, they won a mickey mouse treble last season but will they finish TOP 4? No chance!  Will they win the Champions League?  Well, Spurs have got a better chance of doing the domestic double over Arsenal than United winning a serious piece of silver.  Hold on a minute!  I’m predicting no TOP 4 finish, no silver and Jose to be punted at seasons end.  Not so special anymore are you now Jose?

If you take into account the obscene money PSG forked out for that overrated Brazilian fella, Manchester United have spent a hell of a lot of money for about the fifth season running.  Lukaku will start strong, scoring plenty of goals early on before the pressure gets to him and he disappears into the abyss of Castle Greyskull.  Long term, Big Rom will be a flop for them and the blue shite will be laughing all the way to 7th spot!

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I have a soft spot for three time champions of England, Huddersfield Town.  My English parents live there.  My English sister lives near by in Leeds (shame they didn’t get promoted last season) and Aussie boy done good, Aaron Mooy plays for the Terriers as well.  Everyone so far is predicting them to return to the Championship at the first hurdle but I say bollocks to that.  Along with Brighton, another side I quite enjoy going to watch, both sides will start the season well before tapering off only to find safety in a late season surge that will see both sides finish mid table.  I can see Brighton holding Manchester City on the opening weekend as Pep tried to get his overpaid ego merchants to gel.  For the record, I’d like to see the end of Swansea, Crystal Palace and Stoke.  But this can only mean Newcastle will join the other two promoted sides in staying up.  A rare feat yet one that I can see happening this year.

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Manager sackings in football are now as common as Police shooting innocent civilians in America.  The only question to be asked is who will be the first manager shot?  For me, it’s a no brainer.  “Sparky” will be gone from the Potters before Santa has a chance to unload his sack in December.  It will be the beginning of the end for Stoke City in England’s top flight.  Hughes will follow his old mate, “Fat Head” into the managerial wilderness of shit clubs like Hull City, Brum, Wigan and that basket case of a club otherwise known as Sunderland.  The other manager in the mix for an early sacking is Marco Silva at Watford.  Once Liverpool completely batter them on the opening day, it will be all downhill until Silva gets punted by Watford’s daft owners who actually think European football is a distinct possibility in the years to come. A bit like Elton John in the 80’s when he was the “daddy” for the Hornets.

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So what of England’s most decorated and prestigious club, Liverpool then?  You all know my thoughts on the money ball Yanks who currently milk the club for all its worth.  And Barcelona don’t seem to know what fuck off means when it comes to our beautiful number 10 and I reckon he is the difference between a big season and a season playing catch up.  That Dutch fella from our feeder club will arrive before the end of August to strengthen up the defensive problems of recent years and in the goal scorers can stay fit and hit the ground running there is not a single reason why Liverpool can’t challenge for the title.  The big test will come in a couple of weeks when Crystal Palace visit Anfield.  Those cockney pricks have come away with all three points from their last three visits.  If it becomes four from four then you will have proof in the pudding the club is incapable of learning from past mistakes.  Worse case scenario is falling to the Krauts in the Champions League qualifiers, losing to the blue shite in both derby encounters, getting 6 put past us at Castle Greyskull and finishing 7th after being knocked out of the FA and League Cups at the first hurdle.  On the plus side, we may also be crowned, dare I say it, champions of England in May!

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I could cover a lot more but essentially, you have got the most important bits out of the impending season that awaits.  Oh, Spurs may just go that one step further this year and become the title winners.  So here is my predicted table at season’s end.  Good luck and enjoy the ride!

  1. Tottenham
  2. Liverpool
  3. Manchester City
  4. Chelsea
  5. Arsenal
  6. Everton
  7. Newcastle United
  8. Leicester City
  9. West Ham
  10. Burnley
  11. West Bromwich Albion
  12. Huddersfield Town
  13. Brighton
  14. Southampton
  15. Manchester United
  16. AFC Bournemouth
  17. Watford
  18. Swansea
  19. Crystal Palace
  20. Stoke City

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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