Once upon a time, many woman, and the occasional stray male such as yours truly would keep a hand written diary. Between the pages one could discuss the day to day goings on of life along with personal thoughts that you wouldn’t want to share with other people. I’m sure back in the day, many parents would have attempted to unravel the “woe is me” tales from their often troubled teenage children.
I went along to my storage unit today after work so I could pick up some books for weekend reading and stumbled over an old diary that I sporadically scrawled in when I was in the final couple of years of high school.
One particular entry kind of took me by surprise as I didn’t realise how difficult and troubled my thoughts were on March 15 1995. It read as follows……….
Today was a good day because I didn’t feel like throwing myself under a bus. One day I want to buy a sharp hunting knife and slash the throats of everyone here who picks on me. I just don’t fit in with these people. Even the teachers think I’m strange but they are all idiots anyway. There are still ages to go before I leave school but I will be so happy to be away from here. Next week is Austudy week so at least I can wag and go to the city and look at the record shops again. If dad gets me some cassettes I can make some mix tapes and take them into that girl at Skinny’s. She loves my Smiths tape and likes Marion and Elastica so she is a keeper but I guess I have to ask her out to begin with for her to be a keeper.
The batteries on my Walkman died on the way in this morning. I was halfway through Pulp’s “His’n’Hers” tape so had to walk the final steps from the bus into school listening to other people talk about stuff that doesn’t remotely interest me. My brother gave me a copy of an Oscar Wilde book which is hard to get. If anyone sees it I am going to get rubbish bins tipped over me for being gay. At least in a few months I will be free from school and can begin my life properly. Once I turn 18 I am going to start being a DJ and run clubs that play my music and everyone is going to dance like Brett and Jarvis and girls are going to actually like me and want to have children with me and move to England with me and read these Oscar Wilde books with me and tell me they love me every morning so I won’t feel like throwing myself under buses anymore and nobody is going to tease me about my hair or call me ugly or tip rubbish bins over me any more.