A wise old lady once said to me, “All good things come to those who wait” Wise words indeed.
I’m 36 years old this July. I’ve travelled the world and lived a life of pure enjoyment. The one ingredient that has always been missing is a life partner. Someone who is there by your side no matter what the circumstances.
In the last fifteen years or so there has been no shortage of potential soul mates. Some have fizzled, others drifted and many just gone horribly wrong. During this same period I have seen many dear friends and acquaintances take the next step to marriage. Others have moved in together and many have enjoyed the pleasures of building a life together that includes all the mod cons. Kids, a mortgage, two cars, annual holidays to Fiji and the like. I love following their updates on social media sites like facebook and Twitter because it keeps me believing. Believing that is someone out there for all of us.
Earlier this year a very good friend of mine who had come out of a botched relationship where he did all the work finally met someone who so far has turned out to be his perfect match. I’ve been so happy to see him in a total state of bliss. I could not begin to tell you about the hassles he has endured in the past with his endeavour to meet Miss Right but that, I am afraid would take up more pages than Tolstoy’s “War & Peace”.
Love is out there. It is all around us. For some however it avoids us like the plague!
The one line that has become common with my love life over the years is one many decent men will, or should be familiar with.
“You are a really nice guy……but!”
There is always the “but” isn’t there? Things can be going swimmingly well on so many levels but then the girl you thought was happy looks for a self destruct button in the relationship and a reason not to be happy despite her friends telling you she is lucky to have met a “nice guy” at last. You know, the guy that treats her well, respects her, cares about her and only wants the best for her.
So what do girls really want?
Having spent most of my working life around woman I have grown to learn one thing about them. If they say one thing it more often than not means they want the opposite.
Woman often complain that there are no gentlemen left or men lack old fashioned romance. Bah humbug I say! We are out there in our thousands. The problem with woman is that they want things to be difficult. They want a reason to be bitter towards men, angry that their boyfriend or husband forgot their birthday, was an hour late for their dinner date or failed to notice their new hair cut and colour. Woman simply love friction in their romance. If things are going swimmingly well they tend to freak out. They over think the situation and before you know it they wanting “space” or “time to think about things”, which from my experience is normally their escape route.
Sometimes woman feel more comfortable with a group of female friends moaning about men. Complaining that men are all morons and lack a romantic streak. What was I saying about friction before?
I’d consider myself to be a decent guy. I have a burning passion for live theatre, English literature, foreign films, obscure bands and have visited many countries around the world. These are some of the things a girl wants in her man yes? My close friends have often asked why “Someone like me” is single? I love going on romantic picnics, cooking meals over a glass of wine or settling in for a rom com on the couch whilst snuggled up holding hands. That’s what girls like yes? Surely? I mean, they complain so often about these exact ingredients missing from their love life.
So what’s the problem then?
Girls want a man in their life they can nag and complain about. Woman desire a set design of male species. Often these men are aloof, spend more time on their cars and in the gym than they do romancing their partner, have featured and well grafted looks that include a six pack of abs and that classic tall, dark and handsome look about them.
The fact most of these guys lack a heart, compassion, romance, empathy or kindness is on no value to 80% of woman. These features are what woman grow up thinking to be the perfect man. They are conditioned through the media and those inane magazines they waste their time and money reading each and every week. It’s all about the look. Someone they can show off at dinner parties. Someone they can nag all weekend to change the light bulb or clean up their dirty washing.
A friend of mine was dumped recently by text message. Only a week before the girl was telling him how much she missed him. How much she wanted him around. Then presto! A complete about face in less than a week. Her reasons were not very forthcoming. Vague if anything It was just a classic case of “You’re a nice guy but I think friendship is all I can offer at the moment.”
Whiskey. Tango. foxtrot!
How does a woman go from wanting more to wanting no more within seven days? Part of me is kind of expecting this girl to be happily dating a new guy in the coming weeks who fits the previously mentioned aloof and “good looking” category. Someone who will forget her birthday, not notice her new hair cut and take her out for dinner in jeans and a faded t-shirt. It will give her something to complain about and someone to nag.
I would like to think she is different to that presumption however.
Woman are confusing. I don’t think I will ever work them out. Maybe one day down the line things will change. It’s not that hard girls. Stop over processing everything and just enjoy things for what they are.
As tempting as it may be to become more of a typical “lad” I am more than happy to keep soldiering on in my role as a “nice guy” who loves his old fashioned romance, nights out at the theatre, candle lit dinners for two and picnics on the rug.